A PIECE by ÀNGELES (2CYGNE)
An incredibly introspective essay on the metal/alternative scene regarding misogyny, patriarchy, and accountability
NPZ #3 — JANUARY 2025 — PAGE 10
Written by Ángeles (they/she), IG: @2cygne
As an immigrant woman, I am always looking for another woman in the room. I am never at ease until I know I'm not the only woman in any given space. I see this in other femmes in the scene especially, considering the reputation of the scene to be unsafe for femmes.
At the last punk show I went to, I did my routine scouting of any women I could rely on if needed, considering that I attended this show with a group of men I wasn't too familiar with, and was in an area I didn't know well. I made various silent agreements with a few of the women there, the prolonged eye contact and nod saying “I see you, I’ve got your back should anything happen, I care about you.” This sort of looking out for each other extends to queer men and femmes, but is unfortunate that it is the necessity we must establish in order to engage in spaces that, in theory, exist for the safety of all involved. With the history of punk’s origins, it's astounding how divisive and unsafe it is for minorities, especially femmes. Even within our own spaces, such as riot grrrl, there are levels of acceptability that must be met in order to be granted security, such as being cis, white, and able-bodied. “Grrrls* to the front (*as long as you’re deemed conventionally socially acceptable for how we define a woman)”
Speaking for myself, it's difficult to meaningfully engage with men in the scene. The wariness I carry is definitely inhibiting, but evidently, justified. Alternative men that have romantic or sexual interest in me often feign ideals of leftism and feminism in order to, for a lack of a better term, get with me, which is just degrading and dehumanizing, and exhausting for me to deal with constantly when I’m simply trying to engage with the music and subculture that has had such an important impact on me. Beyond frustrating, it’s anxiety-inducing knowing the reputation of men in the scene and the lack of accountability for men that don’t know to take no as an answer, or just can’t take a hint. Abuse, assault, and misogyny are borderline inescapable aspects to the scene in this day and age, and it definitely creates issues for people like myself, that due to our presentation, are at best minimized through microaggressive interrogation about any respective band’s discography, or at worst, viewed as prospective victims by men in the scene.
I’ve had friendships, relationships, and interactions in which I felt objectified and minimized. Time and time again, being “ramona flowersed,” or the phenomenon where alt men view femmes only as vehicles to their self-actualization, and are astounded by the notion that women can have their individual interests and opinions, and shockingly, can like rock/metal of their own accord and not for the approval of the male gaze. Spew zine provided a much better explanation of the phenomenon than I can muster but essentially, minimizing alternative women to an archetype for men to take advantage of, be that emotionally, intellectually, or sexually is such an ingrained mentality for the majority of men in the scene that I’ve had the misfortune of interacting with. Even the most seemingly trust-worthy or well-intentioned guys have been socialized and locked into this bubble of thinking of women as accessories to celebrate themselves only, and in effect view feminism as a trait they can meaninglessly assign to themselves to enrich their profile of “one of the good ones” when in reality, they lack a profound understanding of women as people. This is not exclusive to cishet men, and as much as queer men try to separate themselves from the idea that they too can be misogynistic, they are still in the mental bubble of alt men that don’t understand respecting women is not a meaningless attribute, but a consistent action of allyship and reflection that must be done through shame, and not in spite of it. There’s such a hesitation in leftist men to take accountability when they have said or done something misogynistic, many times I’ve had men complain about women generalizing men’s poor behaviour, as though misogyny only exists because women say they don’t like being treated badly out loud, and not because a majority of men refuse to take accountability for not reckoning with their patriarchal socialization.
